Male post natal depression

Post natal depression in women is a widely recognized illness, but a far lesser-known condition is male post natal depression. The main reason that this condition is lesser known is that as with many things men often find it difficult to talk about. Many men do not realize that they are suffering from the condition or that it even exists.

Studies have shown Post natal depression has been linked to an increase in depression in a large number of men. Male post natal depression sometimes occurs as a reaction when a man's female partner is suffering from post natal depression. Many men have said that coping with their partner’s depression leaves them feeling overwhelmed, isolated.

It is thought that male post natal depression has led to the break-up of many marriages. A number of relationships break-ups after the birth of a baby. But many couples are totally unaware that post natal depression is the cause or one of the causes of the breakdown of their relationship. Many, many women hide their post natal depression and they do it so well that their partners are not aware that they are suffering and are at a complete loss to understand the reason behind their mood swings.

It has been theorised that another possible reason for male post natal depression is that many men find it difficult to cope with the birth of a child. Having a baby and the new responsibilities that that brings can be very stressful, especially if the male has to work during the day and cope with the child at night.

One of the biggest issues for men when it comes to male post natal depression is a lack of support and understanding that men receive. There is a lot of help for women and there are many support groups, but there are very few places for a depressed father to turn. In addition to the lack of support there is the mans inability it talk about their feelings and to admit that there is a problem.

Symptoms include:

• Feelings of isolation and mood swings.
• Substance abuse
• Lethargy,
• Anxiety attacks,
• Loss of sex drive,
• Problems concentration
• Headaches
• Loss of appetite
• Stomach pains.

If you are suffering any of these feelings and they don’t seem to be improving then it is really important that they are taken seriously, and you should see your doctor. All the time people are recognizing male post natal depression and there is more support out there then ever before so if you think you may be suffering get help

Overveiw of PND

It can be both difficult and frustrating to live with someone who has PND. Perhaps the most important thing is to recognise that someone suffering from PND may need encouragement to seek help, and support to get it.

Help her to find someone to talk to in depth, and reassure her that she is not going mad and that she will get better. Make sure she knows that you will support her, and not abandon her.

Practical steps include helping her to get enough food, rest, and exercise. Try to ensure that she doesn’t spend much time alone to cope with the baby. A sense of isolation can be the most stressful aspect of mothering. Support the idea that she deserves to have a daily treat, and enable her to get it. Above all try to listern to how she feels and be patient.

Symptoms of Post natal depression

Often the presure of looking after a newborn means that the mother's focus is on the baby, and not on herself, and she may not pick up on warning signs of which she might otherwise have been aware. It is very common for women with PND to be very unwilling to acknowledge that something is wrong.

A women who is developing Post Natal Depression may initially have symptoms of anxiety and compulsive behavour so may not recognise her symptoms as 'Post Natal Depression' since depression is only one symptom of the illness

There are a number of warning signs which you can watch out for that may indicate that your partner is developing Post Natal Depression.

These are listed below:

• Problems sleeping, nightmares
• Negative and moody behaviur
• Palpitations
• Obsessive fears about the baby’s health or wellbeing,
• Panic attacks
• extreme fatigue
• bouts of crying over things which would not normally provoke such a reaction
• being short tempered or snappy
• headache, night sweats, stomach pains, blurred vision
• being hostile or indifferent to you or the people around her
• difficulty in concentrating or making decisions
  

Your partner may go through one or more of the experiences, although it’s extremely unlikely that she will go through all of them. If you think she has any of the warning signs try to encourage her to go and see you’re GP or other Medical Practitioner if only for reassurance. If she is developing Post Natal Depression, the quicker you receive treatment the faster you will recover.

Getting used to being a dad

Your a dad, congratulations!

When the excitement of the birth has died down, many couples find that it is all a bit of an anti-climax. In your partner this is as a result of a huge change in hormones levels, many women feel teary and down for several days even weeks. In men it usually manifests its self as feeling completely exhausted.

Just when you least feel like socialising, you've got to deal with all the friends and relatives who want to know what's happened and can't wait to see your new bundle of joy. Despite their well-meaning calls and visits, this is a time for you, mum and your baby to get use to each other. Try to be polite but firm with visitors it would be better to get the visits over as quickly as possible, so throw a little party and get it over in one hit. This will give you several weeks of peace so you can have quiet time to bond with your baby and catch up on the lost sleep. You can use their help though to catch up with all the things that you have let slip so don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Learning to cope with the demands of a newborn and adjusting to being new parents can seem a bit daunting. It is common to experience a short period of baby blues, but if this period continues it can develop into a more serious condition know as Post Natal Depression (PND). It affects around one in ten new mothers, the symptoms are similar to other forms of depression. It can also affect you, you need to talk about your feelings together, as often as you can you will both benefit and you'll both be aware of any negative emotions that could be a sign of needing help.

Positons for sex

Many people tend to prefer the missionary position for sex during pregnancy, it becomes a very difficult manoeuvre to perform as the abdomen gets larger.

So try some of these positions:

• Woman on top. This allows you to control the depth of penetration, and the majority of the movement. You can go as fast or as slow as you'd like, while controlling the depth of the penis. This position works really well throughout pregnancy and at the very end of pregnancy.
  


• Spooning. This position gets it's name from the way spoons fit together in the drawer. Usually it's best if the man is behind allowing his penis to go between your thighs and enter you from behind. This creates no pressure on the abdomen, and allows for a shallow penetration. Many women find this a very relaxing position for sex during pregnancy, and it can be used throughout.


• 
  Hands & Knees. This is a very good position for pregnant women again because of the lack of direct pressure on the abdomen, although as your get larger your belly may actually rest on the bed. Some women find this difficult at the very end of pregnancy, depending on how high they are able to hold their belly off the bed and still allow for penetration.
  


• Side lying, Lay on your side with your partner facing you, try pulling one leg up to allow room for your partner. This can get tiring after a while, and may not be easy for the last part of pregnancy.

All of the above mentioned positions also allow for manual stimulation of the clitoris either by you or your partner. . They also prevent the mother from laying on her back, which is not recommended after the fourth month of pregnancy. When you're trying to think of a good position, try it, if it doesn't work stop. Creativity will be a lot of fun during pregnancy, and it will probably carry over into your postpartum sex life as well, when creativity becomes important in a different way.

Above all communicate with your partner and be respectful of their changing hormones and physical shape and most of all don’t be offended if she does not feel sexual this will pass.

FAQ about sex during pregnancy

Can sex harm my baby? the short answer is No, not directly. Your baby is fully protected by the amniotic sac (a thin-walled bag that holds the foetus and surrounding fluid) and the strong muscles of the uterus. There's also a thick mucus plug that seals the cervix and helps guard against infection. Your penis does not come into contact with the foetus during sex.

Can intercourse or orgasm cause miscarriage or contractions? In most cases, low-risk pregnancies, the answer is no. The contractions that your partner may feel during and just after orgasm are entirely different from the contractions associated with labour. However, it is better to check with your healthcare provider to make sure that your partner’s pregnancy falls into the low-risk category. It is common for doctors to recommend that all women stop having sex during the final weeks of pregnancy, because semen contains a chemical that may actually stimulate contractions.

My partner doesn't want sex, is this normal? It is completely normal for you and your partner's desire for sex to increase or decrease during pregnancy. Some men feel even closer to their pregnant partners and enjoy the changes in their bodies. Some men experience decreased desire because of fears about the burdens of parenthood, or concerns about the wellbeing of both the mother and their unborn child. It is also difficult for some men to reconciling their partner’s identity as a sexual creature with their new emerging identity as a mother. Remember, that communication with your partner is the key, try to explain your fears and deal with them together.

Sex - during and after pregnancy

During
One of the main things we worry about when our partner is pregnant is Sex, many men worry that they can hurt the baby. The good news is that sex is considered safe during all stages of the pregnancy provided that your partner is not in a high risk group, ask a medical professional for advice or get your partner to if she falls into this category or are worried.

Of course, just because sex is safe during most pregnancy doesn't mean that your partner or you will necessarily want have it! Many expectant mothers find that their desire for sex fluctuates during certain stages in the pregnancy so don‘t feel rejected it is just hormones and often size, many women find that sex becomes uncomfortable as their bodies get larger.

You need to communicate (we know its easier said than done) with your partner about your sexual relationship and try to understand the hormonal and physical change that she is going through that might make her feel less comfortable with sexual activities.
If you can it may help to talk about other ways to satisfy your need for intimacy, such as kissing, caressing, and holding each other etc.

If you do have sex you also may need to experiment with other positions for sex to find those that are the most comfortable. In the later stages it is common for many women to lose their desire and motivation for sex late in the pregnancy, not only because of their size but also because they're preoccupied with the impending delivery and the excitement of becoming a new parent. Remember it is only nine months and thing should get back to normal soon after the birth.

Sex after birth
Your partners midwife will generally give your partner guidelines about sex after the birth of your child, this will depend on the type of birth that your partner has had. It is best to follow these guide lines and wait until it is safe to resume normal sex life.

It is also worth pointing out that it is possible that it may take your partner sometime before they feel ready to have sex, this is a subject that couples often don't discus but it is much better to talk about how you feel an allow your partner to express herself this can stop either of you from harbouring resentment. The good news is that in most cases couples do get their sex lives back it is not just as easy to find the time or the energy with a new baby, so try to make time for each other.

How to help your partner at the birth

Do as you are told is the short and simple answer!!

In all seriousness it’s true, the best way that any potential father can help is to do as he asked whether by medical professionals or by his partner.

Most women will say how they want you to help and if they don't, ask what you can do but don‘t keep asking you will be told to shut up in no uncertain terms. Some women sail through the labour and in their second or third it is often quicker and easier but remember that even the mildest mannered women can be aggressive and in some cases down right nasty during their labour and this is normal.

You must remember that even though this is a totally natural process all women are scared (no matter what they say) and often in a lot of pain, try to be patient and not to take any comments to heart. It is particularly important if something is going wrong during the birth to reassure you partner that everything will be ok and it will soon be over you may get a sharp response but it is best to try.

So if you choose to be there then try to stay as calm and as reassuring as you can possible be oh and if you pass out you will hear it over and over again so if you feel faint it is usually to do with the fact that it is very hot in the delivery room (honest! Not that you are scared and excited no defiantly not ), then get a drink of water or step outside for a minute but try not to miss the actual birth doing that would be as bad as passing out.

What to expect at the birth of your child

Screaming, yelling, swearing you beautiful partner to turn into something from the exorcist, well in some cases we can't lie that is true. The plain fact is that it is difficult to tell you what to expect as all births are different, all men are different some choose not to be present at all and wait at a safe distance as most of their fathers did, others choose to be present but to stay at their partners head and not to look at the emerging child, others choose to be fully involved and watch the baby emerge and sometimes a more recent occurrence is for fathers to video the whole birth.(not sure who would want to watch it, maybe there will be a spate of wine cheese blood and birth parties).

If you choose to attend the birth as over 70% of men do it can be difficult to watch a person that you love in so much discomfort and your natural instinct is to try to fix it but there is nothing you can do other than watch and try to be as reassuring as you can possibly be. In some cases the partner is not allowed to be present at the birth at all this is rare but is for medical reasons and can't be helped. The decision of what to do is completely down to personal preference and it is a choice that is best discussed before the event.

Whatever level of involvement you have it is a tense time and highly emotional for all concerned so be prepared to feel scared, tearful and then elated when it is all over. It is an amazing feeling to become a Dad and when all is said and done no matter what you decided the result will be the same, at the end of it all you will be handed a baby and you will be responsible for them, your world will change for ever.

Stages of Labour

Here are the plain facts about the stages of labour just in case you are interested in what is actually happening instead of just standing there looking like a rabbit in a headlight.

Stage 1
The first stage of labour is called cervical dilation. It is the longest period of labour and it can last any where from a few hours to a day. During this stage the woman’s cervix will dilate to around 10cm.

Stage 2
The second stage of labour is where the baby begins to be pushed down the birth canal with each contraction. At this stage the contractions can be very painful and last around sixty seconds with a gap of around 2-3 minutes this part of the labour usually takes around two hours but times vary. At the end of this stage the baby will be born.

Stage 3
The third stage is the delivery of the placenta which has nourished the baby during pregnancy, many people do things with the placenta, eat them freeze them and that is up to the individual. It could be said that there is a fourth stage that is often discounted this is where the mother is checked for tears and repair them, this is where the mother comes to terms with the new situation the joy of a new life and the relief that it is all over.

You are a Dad!

Toxplasmosis - cat poo can kill

A quick warning about toxoplasmosis, this is a common infection caused by a parasite found in cats' faeces, soil, raw or uncooked meats and unpasteurized 'green top' milk. It can affect both animals and humans, and can harm unborn babies. This means that your partner can not clear up the cat litter tray, so it is one thing you can do to help and try to make sure that if you are cooking a meal (something we would advise you to do) make sure that meat is cooked throughly and that you clean the surfaces up with antibacterial spray after you use them!

Planning the the birth

Sound straight forward but it is a good idea to do a little bit of research about where the baby will be born, this is an important decision and it is one that should be discussed between yourselves and a qualified medical professional.


Most new mothers are advised to have their first child in a hospital or birthing centre this is purely precautionary in case there are any complications, all mothers with high risk pregnancy’s will be strongly advised to give birth in hospital many of which will have a caesarean.
It is a good idea to go to the maternity hospital and see what they offer, they can vary enormously so it is worth taking the tour of several before deciding where you want to give birth.


Most women have all their children in hospital this was not always the case and some choose to have a home birth. Providing there are no complications in the pregnancy this is fine if done with medical agreement and with the help of a qualified midwife.
Believe it or not some choose to have a communal birth so that their friends and family and other siblings can be present at the birth and can share in the experience, this isn't for everyone, most woman want the minimum of people around them when the are in labour, but everyone is different.


Speed dial
It may also be the case that your partner has been advised or chosen to have a caesarean, in this case the date and time will be known and it is easier to plan for. If the woman has chosen to have her baby at home the midwives will be on stand by as the due date approaches, it will be a case of getting someone to contact them when your partner goes into labour, speed dial comes in handy here.


Planning the route
If your partner is having your baby in hospital then obviously you need to plan the route, it is worth driving it a few times just so you are sure where you will have to go and where you will park, it will help reduce the panic on the day and save you having to dive there like a racing driver. As the due date approaches it is also a good idea to make sure the car is top up with petrol its only exciting in movies for babies to be born in the back o cars, you would never be allowed to forget it if you were to run out of petrol. If you are going to use a taxi to get to hospital put the number on speed dial and try to call them as soon as the contractions start it may take time to get them to you, if all else fails call an ambulance. Many expectant fathers end up carry out these procedures more than once as some woman suffer from Braxton Hicks contractions, this is where the body is preparing for labour and the contraction feel real but the woman is not in full blown labour it is always better to be checked out by a medical professional so it is worth treating this as if it were the real this. With just a little planning you can take a bit of stress out of the whole experience!!

Planning for the arrival of a baby

There are so many things to do before the baby arrives and this can feel very overwhelming the first time as it is likely that you will have very little knowledge about what its like to have a new addition to your home. You may have friends who have done in and it seems straight forward but they did not get to where they are without a bit of forward planning. This is the time to decide where the baby will live if you have to this is not the best time but if it is impossible to fit a child into your current home this is the time to move. If not and in most cases their is a way around it this is the time to choose the nursery, your partner will almost certainly have feelings about this so talk it over together and face the fact that you may have little to do with the decoration other than doing the actual work, painting, papering, building cots, etc. The upside of this is you can do something practical and you will feel the you are contributing in a small way. It is best to be methodical and sit down and make a list of everything that you will need. The list below may seem really obvious but it will help as a guide, its really easy to miss something basic like nappies!

Cot / Moses basket
Wardrobe/ drawers
Nursing chair
Baby Monitor
Pram/ pushchair
Nappies
Bottles/teats/Nipples
Steriliser
Clothes
Blankets
Car seat
Baby wipes
Bath
Bath products
Hairbrush
Nair clippers
Formula
Towels

This is a bare minimum, there is lots more but this will get the baby home and through the first few nights, it seems so much stuff for a tiny little person but its only the beginning at this stage you have time so you can save yourself a lot of cash and time going for shop to shop by ordering online. Try out these shops

How a man can help during pregnancy

It is worth realising that in the first few months your partner may not look any different but, her fluctuating hormones may be playing havoc with her emotions, you are the most likely target to bear the brunt of some major mood swings. Her moods may range from her being the happiest, most contented woman in the world with the most wonderful man in the world, and then minutes later she may be crying, yelling and everything you say and do gets on her nerves. Remember what ever mood she is in it will pass, it is best not to ask for an explanation (in most cases she really hasn't got one, asking may make thing worse) and it is best at these times to try not to feel hurt. Instead, try to be patient and support her, listen and do practical things to help, there are loads of simple things that you can do.

Try things like:

Running her a bath (some oils are not suitable for pregnant women check first.

Hoover the floor, dust, do the ironing, wash up, try to do some household chores you need to get used to doing them if you are not sharing them already, because once the child is born mums need help, at this point it will just make things easier for her and you

Making her a cup of tea, preferably herbal, many can be soothing but read the label some are not suitable during pregnancy

Cook a meal, it doesn’t have to be special it just has to be done by someone else

Learn as much as you can about what is good and bad in pregnant women, but don't lecture or scold her or you may get no thanks for the information

Show that you are taking an interest in her and GET INVOLVED, There's no need to stand on the sidelines during pregnancy. It's your baby, too and you can take an active part right from the start.

Try to make the hospital appointments, it helps to make her feel supported and you included, seeing your child moving on a scan is an amazing experience

Give her lots of reassurance about her attractiveness and your feelings for her, a woman’s self esteem can be very low during pregnancy, some woman bloom and lets face it others do not and they need to know that they are still the woman they once were.

Fundamentally be patient, supportive and try to find out as much as you can.

Foetal development

1st Trimester
By the end of this trimester, your baby is about three inches long and weighs about half an ounce. The eyes move closer together into their positions, and the ears also are in position. The liver is making bile, and the kidneys are secreting urine into the bladder. Even though your partner can't feel your baby move yet, your baby will move inside her in response to pushing on her abdomen.

2nd Trimester
By the 26th week, your baby will weigh about 1 ¾ pounds and be about 13 inches long. With this growth comes the development of your baby's features, including fingers, toes, eyelashes, and eyebrows. Around the fifth month, your partner might feel your baby move! By the end of this trimester, all of your baby's essential organs like the heart, lungs, and kidneys are formed.

3rd Trimester
Your baby is still growing and moving, but now has less room in your uterus. Because of this, your partner might not feel the kicks and movements as much as she did in the second trimester. Even before your baby is born he or she will be able to open and close his or her eyes and might even suck a thumb.

Playing music and talking to a baby in the womb

It is thought that babies in the womb can hear from around 20 wks, and most can recognise their mother’s voice once they are born. Some people believe that playing music to your baby in the womb can improve its intellect and speech development not really sure about that but it is a case of what ever floats your boat.

Many dads talk to their unborn child or sing to them, if you choose to try different kinds of music to see how your baby responds. Chart pop, jazz, R'n'B, reggae, anything you enjoy. Music that soothes you may not soothe your baby. When your baby is born you may find your baby calms down to music that you played to them in the womb. With that in mind try to be as patient as possible with you pregnant partner, your baby is listening.

What to expect during pregnancy

Let’s be honest having a pregnant partner isn't much fun for men, most of us feel helpless most of the time and in reality we are not much use other than to fetch and carry. In the coming 40 weeks, your partner is going to experience some huge physical and emotional changes.

In the early stages she many feel exhausted this is due to changing oestrogen and the emotional impact of being pregnant. The middle of the pregnancy is often the easiest but she will still be experiencing physical and emotional changes. In the latter months they maybe completely exhausted as the baby grows. During a normal pregnancy a woman may find it difficult to get comfortable and therefore find it hard to sleep, may suffer a from a whole range of irritating discomforts, indigestion, back pain, cravings, swollen ankles, needing to go to the toilet a lot, to mention just a few symptoms, if there are complications the problems can be worse.

All of this may leave you feeling glad that men don’t have babies, but also helpless as how to improve things for your partner. Don’t worry there are so many things that expectant dad's can do to help and the main one is to do as you are asked it saves so much time and arguments in the long run if you just agree and do what ever it is no matter how bizarre you feel the request may be.

If you want to help then take on as many of the household chores as you can or lets rephrase that as many as your partner feels that you do to a level that she find acceptable. Being an expectant dad can be very tiring in more ways than one but the best advice I was ever given was to count to ten before I saying anything to a pregnant woman as the barrage of venom that your once fun loving happy partner can now dish out in her hormone fuelled state is simply just best avoided. Some of you may be lucky and you see no real change in the personality of your partner you need to be very grateful. But for the rest of you take comfort from the fact that there are many men going through the same things as you and try to bear in mind that it is only nine months and hopefully at the end of it you wonderful partner will remerge. For more on foetal development try www.lavenmedia.co.uk/foetaldevelopment.html

I am pregnant ...

These three simple little words can change your life for ever. They can create a myriad of emotions, they can strike fear into the heart of the bravest of men, they can reduce the toughest of men to tears. The emotions range from sheer joy and excitement to terror, fear and dread (sometimes all of the above) at what lies ahead. Most men feel a little overwhelmed at this stage even if its what they have been wanting for years, so try not to panic or say things you can never take back, there is help out there and you can do it, it will just takes time to get your head around, luckily nature was kind and you have a good few months to prepare.

Planning for the new arrival

If you are planning a baby rather than just having one arrive, a happy accident you might say, you have a chance to look at all aspects of your lives and to change the things that will not fit in with your new life as a parent. This may include finical planning, you will have a responsibility to make sure you have things like life insurance are in place to provide if something happened to you, you may loose your partners or your wages for a while so you will need to check the budget to see the best way forward. It may involve moving home as the home that you are in as you may not be affordable it or it may not be suitable for a child. It gives you a chance to work out what the roles are going to be, who is going to be responsible for the family income, is it you or your partner or will it be shared. Making these decisions may involve a change in jobs for yourself or your partner, but addressing these issues now it will allow you time to settle down before the baby arrives. There is no avoiding it bringing a child in to the world is expensive but there are many ways to save yourselves money and still have exactly what you need it just takes a bit of time in planning and research to get the best deals.

So you want to be a dad ?

Before you consider creating a baby it is a good idea for you to take this chance to improve the healthiness of you diet and your self, we know its boring but the healthier you are the better the sperm that you produce its just a fact.

You need to think about kicking the bad habits you know what they are, no exercise, smoking and excessive drinking. So stop smoking now it hard but there are a lot of products on the market to help. Change your diet to one that’s health and well balanced, make sure you get your 5 a day fruit and vegetables, loose the fatty and sugary foods. Try to cut down on caffeine and alcohol and take regular exercises. We know you have heard it all before, we all know what we should be doing its just seems that we never get around to it, the chance of becoming a father is a perfect reason to start taking better care of ourselves.

Taking these actions will help to ensure that you are a health and active Dad. Also think about trying green tea, its a good alternative to caffeine but if you can't face it there are many other herbal teas try them, you will find one you like. It may be a good idea to start taking a good multivitamin and vitamin C, check with your G.P that any medication that you are on does not interfere with fertility and tell him of your intention to get healthy just to make sure there are no problems. There are good reasons to take multivits and vitamin C if you want to know read on if not go on to the next stage.
It is felt that :

Vitamin C, protects sperm from oxidative damage. It is also seen to improve sperm in smokers

Zinc. raises the testosterone levels

Coenzyme Q10, improves sperm count and mobility

Vitamin E, may improve fertility

Vitamin B12, is needed to maintain fertility